literature

The Pandroids Burden (poem)

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By
LacrimareObscura
Published:
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Literature Text

For those who cannot see
what burden it is to be
a number of genes but nothing inside
armed with power and mentally slight

created by those who are agreeing
we´re neither animal nor human being
thinking from now on it won´t be far
to start and win an unfair war

Broken creature of the night
you´re here to suffer, you´re here to fight

yet you´re cruel claiming us beasts
who will be laughing at the very least
The greed for might and last resource
directed you walking the wrong course

Experiments to break our will
and make us ready to kill
But deep  under  the steeled breast
is still a heart inside our chest

You left it broken, you left it bleeding
But until the end it will be beating
backgroundburdenclosedcyborgdonationsexperimentsfantasyfightgeneshybridlabourmetalpandapandroidpoemscifispeciessteelstorysufferwardonatorshelppandasgoemetalpoetryemotionalpoetrypoempoetrywritingpoetryfreeversepoetryliterature
This is a small background story/poem for my closed species named PANDROID.
English is not my main language. So if you find any mistakes withing, please let me know. That would be really helpful! QwQ

Best matching image:
The Pandroids burden by LacrimareObscura

All about PANDROIDS:
Classic PANDROID sheet (closed species) by LacrimareObscura

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Please support me to open a new group about them:

Admins and Supporter needed!I started a new group about my closed species "PANDROID".
Pandroid-Battlefield

For that I´m planning several things and am in need of help! QwQ
I will also came up with a small background story about that species.
1) Admins
(at least 1 or 2 who are experienced group admins)
Bullet; Blue each of them is allowed to MYO pandroid (needs to fit the classification) or if wanted gets a free custom
2) Donators
I´m opening a MYO Event as part of an contest.
The idea behind this to get more people involved into this species, have fun and win prizes. (see #3)
3) Contest thoughts
Bullet; Blue 3 categories (best short story about Pandroid | Best MYO/Pandroid design | Best fanart - Lacrima (and admins Pandroids)
Bullet; Blue 2 winners for eac

Pandroid-Battlefield 
© 2017 - 2024 LacrimareObscura
Comments35
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Lazyartlady's avatar
Lazyartlady
It's actually pretty good, and seeing English isn't first language it's very impressive! The consistency of the poem has a nice flow to it and I follow the style used.  

There are some parts of the poem that are slightly grammatically incorrect and a line of the poem I don't understand.

The first section of the poem on the last line, I don't know what you refer to as "mentally slight". Maybe it could have been worded better for better understanding. That't just me.

On the fourth section on the first line where it reads, "yet you're the cruelty claiming us beasts" I think it would be more like this: "yet you are cruel claiming us beasts". Take out "the" in that sentence to make it flow better.

Overall, I love this poem. It's really good. Just take this as some advice from me seeing I speak English and I do want to help giving my own thoughts on it. Keep it up! It's really awesome! :)